Touched By An Angel, Andrealphus Style

By Jaymiel

When you're on good terms with the Media, it's expected that you'll take a look at what's on the tube every once in a while. And the title of the show... intrigued Lord Andre. It certainly sounded like it might have possibilities.

"Underwhelmed" barely started to express his reaction. It was so... nice.

Still, the title... there were possibilities with the title. He'd have his people call Nybbas's people, and then they'd do lunch.

"Andre, compadre! What do you have for me?" Nybbas flounced into one of Shal-Mari's tonier establishments, and imps ran each other over to attend the Prince.

Andreaphalus looked up from his notes and grinned. "Storyboards for 'Touched by an Angel.' My version."

"You know I love your stuff, you naughty thing. Let's see them."

"Episode One," Andre laid down the first board with finess. "I've got an older Balseraph lined up for the main role. Casting's open for the other... any big brute Calabite will do. Homoerotic military shower scenes."

Nybbas looked it over. "Do we really need the shower, all things considered? He's always naked, anyway."

Andre shrugged. "Showers are classic, but you're The Man for production." Nybbas beamed and Andre made himself smile. Producers. You had to give them something to fiddle with.

"Episode Two." The next board drifted to the table. "A real hot little lesbian BDSM number. Title's 'Smite me, baby.' Figured we'd use Lilim for both principals."

"I love it!" the Media crowed. "Um... who's that supposed to be?" He indicated the character doomed to the fiery dominatrix's clutches. Andre smiled mysteriously, and Nybbas read the clunky dialogue with a sigh. "'Tell me you deserve it! Tell me it's Just!' Oh. Da*n me! Forgot the old snake had that female vessel."

Andre's smile broadened. "I didn't."

"You wouldn't, would you? Speaking of lesbian love scenes, do you think we could get a threesome with..."

"No."

"No? C'mon, it'd be fabulous! It's epic! It's..."

"Do you want to work with her?"

"Huh?" Nybbas squinted.

"Look, either we don't consult with her and she throws a fit, in which case I don't want to deal with fallout. Or, we bring her onboard and have to deal with that. Remember when you used her for a consultant on that horror project?"

Nybbas shuddered. "Yes. She's a regular Nightmare to work with."

"Right. So she and her ex are right out. Which," Andre bit his lip, "is a crying shame. But, on to Episode Three."

His companion sighed. "Bestiality? Niche market, but hey, what the heck. Any thought on the casting, here?"

Andre coughed. "Ronald." Cough. "And his Hellsworn."

Nybbas's eyes glazed over. "Yeah, yeah, baby, we'll tell him it's all part of some public education announcement about saving cows... or some bullsh*t. He'll buy it. But... cows... cows aren't sexy."

Andreaphalous shrugged. "Don't knock it til you've tried it."

Nybbas forced a laugh. "Thanks, babe, I'll pass. Cows. Huh. Maybe we'll get some country for the music... that'd set the mood." Cows. Maybe he could find some Shedite to possess something more photogenic...

But Andre had continued on with the storyboards. "Episode Four. 'Mother's Favorite Son.' I know an Impudite who's just a dead ringer if we could get some black wings and a sword for him. And..."

"And a Lilim. Da*n. Aren't there any good-looking women in Hell who aren't Lilim?"

"Actually, I know this Djinn who gets off on pretending to care. She'd be perfect."

"Fantastic! Now, c'mon, lay something more mainstream on me, huh? Incest is fine, but it just doesn't sell like good whitebread porn."

Andre bridled a bit. He'd co-written 'Mother's Favorite Son' and thought it would sell just fine, thanks. But he rallied gamely. "How's this?" Episode Five featured a large cast of 'anthropomorphic mechanical constructs capable of engendering positive physical sensations," as the lead called them.

Nybbas grinned enthusiastically. "This is it! Lots of women, lots of toys, big group scenes. I love it, I love it! I'll get my people on this. Have your people send over the contact informa-shee-oni on those handpicks you've already casted." It was a waste of time trying to second-guess Andre's casting calls for a porn flick. He was the Prince of Lust for a reason, after all.

"Will do, bub. I figure we'll roll these out at that big glitzy place down the road and rake in the Essence." The contract had, of course, already been negotiated and signed. You didn't show Nybbas ideas until you'd negotiated a contract.

Nybbas nodded, collecting the boards. "And that's a wrap! I'll be seeing you, amigo!"

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